I was in 8^th grade when the television show Square Pegs premiered in the fall of 82 and became an instant hit with the Gen-X crowd. Rather than sending us off to the School of the Performing Arts and thereby implanting dreams and fantasies of stardom in our little minds (which was also a fun escape), Square Pegs was set in our young 1982 realities. It was all the people in my class talked about, and the girls started saying “like” and “totally” regularly, despite the fact that we lived in New York—like, the totally opposite coast from where the valley girl phenomenon began. But add to that the popularity of the Moon Unit Zappa song “Valley Girl” and the movie of the same name, and 82 and 83 would be forever marked as the “Valley Years” in my school history book. Gag me with a spoon—because I totally loved it.

In fact, Square Pegs seems like it may have been the inspiration for so many 80s teen movies, including the John Hughes films that came after it. There are more new wave songs and references used in this short-lived series than there are in The Last American Virgin and Fast Times at Ridgemont High combined. The show’s resident valley girl Jennifer DiNuccio said “gross me out the door” a year before Deborah Foreman played an adorable ‘Val’ in Valley Girl. Jennifer also dropped the geek bomb nearly two years before the release of Sixteen Candles. Johnny Slash was hanging out regularly at a record store four years before Duckie in Pretty in Pink. And of course there are the constant battles between cool and uncool, popular and unpopular, themes also central to, you know, just a couple of John Hughes films (Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Some Kind of Wonderful, Weird Science, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off…)

The great thing about Square Pegs is that all of the main characters are likable and endearing. Jami Gertz is the preppy and snooty yet scatterbrained Muffy Tepperman, who is just as often the brunt of jokes as the ‘geeks’ but a bit more oblivious to the fact. Sarah Jessica Parker is perfectly cast as Patty, who really doesn’t care so much about how popular she is, but mostly humors her embarrassingly desperate friend Lauren, played by Amy Linker, whose delusional daydreams about being popular cause her to make self-centered decisions but also reveal just how insecure she is in her own skin. Marshall is so bad at his comedy act that he is the epitome of class clown (you’re more often laughing at him than with him)—a geek indeed, but so unaware of that it that it actually comes across as cute. Johnny Slash is so cool in his ‘different head’ as a new waver that you find it hard to believe he wouldn’t be embraced by supposedly bitchy Val’ Jennifer DiNuccio and her friends. But Tracy Nelson plays Jennifer as partly naïve and ignorant, which softens her snobbery and also shows that she’s just as flawed as the others. Her boyfriend, proud guido Vinnie Pasetta, is never so tough to be threatening to any of the geeks, and is usually more than willing to talk to them. And Jennifer’s best friend, LaDonna, is the token black chick, totally on top of her game in that role, poking fun at racial stereotypes because she’s self-aware of being surrounded by a bunch of crazy white kids.

So bad it’s funny, or just too ahead of its time?

When I first watched my DVD set, I was shocked at how ‘cheesy’ the show is, although I was absolutely in love with how 80s it is. I still am, having just rewatched the entire series again. But this time around, I listened more closely, and damn does this show have some seriously subversive and funny humor. It was absolutely targeting a teen audience when it was originally aired, but most of its funniest jokes were probably over all our heads back then. What doesn’t help is the ridiculous, inappropriately placed laugh track. The DVD would have been better if they had REMOVED the one-note laugh track. Shows like Scrubs are absolutely hysterical, and we’re never told when to laugh. This series could benefit from the same golden silence. Either that or replace the canned laughs with a REAL audience that could gasp in shock at the truly filthy moments of the show.

So exactly what are these subversive jokes of which I speak? The reason they aren’t so obvious is because most of the time, they are being delivered by teenagers who are not trying to pause for comic effect or to let the joke sink in, but just talking like kids talk. You blink an ear, you miss the joke. There are obvious jokes, of course. In episode 1, we learn the principal’s name is Dingleman, and within minutes, Vinnie is calling him “Dingleberry,” which has Patty pointing out to Lauren how predictable that comment was, because of course an audience of that age was totally thinking it. Principal dingleberry—I mean, Dingleman, refers to a case of vandalism as “VD,” a surefire comment to get a giggle out of an adolescent audience. And in an arching storyline, Lauren crushes on a radical teacher who could very well be Sean Penn’s Spicoli character if he had became an educator, because he’s constantly slipping up and inferring how great it is to smoke pot.

The show is loaded with sexual innuendo not even heard on ‘racy’shows of the time like Soap or Three’s Company. A female teacher pushes for a girl’s football team, claiming it’s a male conspiracy to keep women from touching each other. In science class, Vinnie says he’ll puke if the teacher talks about crabs again. When Muffy solicits “a box with a slot in it” for student complaints, Vinnie throws her quite a perverted and sly look as he walks by. Vinnie suggests that the guys bring the ‘hot dogs’ to a Halloween party. When Jennifer tells Vinnie her Christmas present better be bigger than a bread box,” he hugs her close to him and drops a deadpan, “It is big.” Did we get this kind of humor at 12 or 13 years old? Probably not. Were our parents watching this teen show with us? Probably about as often as parents bothered watching Saved by the Bell with their kids in the 90s. So all this clever ‘adult’ writing was being wasted on a bunch of kids. But that didn’t matter to us, because the adults writing the show were also incredibly tapped into the trends that made kids go gaga nearly 30 years before there was a Lady GaGa.

Were the 80s that obvious that early?

This is one of those shows that is SO aware of its place in time that it feels like it’s a satire of the decade rather than a product of it. It definitely brings me right back to that era, and what’s so cool about it is that it’s placement on the 80s timeline lands right on the cusp of the explosion of the new wave phenomena on MTV and mainstream radio. When this show began in 82, ‘new wave’ music was mostly heard (by very few) on ‘new format’ radio stations that had just begun taking a risk and daring to be different. The number of new wave songs that had entered the upper pop charts had been minimal—songs by Blondie, The Police, Human League, The Go-Go’s and Devo some of the few, which is why it was so cool for new wave character Johnny Slash to constantly point out that new wave was a “totally different head.” But by September of 83, the one year anniversary of the show’s premiere, artists like Billy Idol, Kajagoogoo, A Flock of Seagulls, Duran Duran, After the Fire, Thomas Dolby, The Tubes, Men Without Hats and Eurythmics were dominating the charts in the U.S. While many artists of the new music movement would remain staples only of alternative radio for years, the seed had been planted in my generation’s psyche. Even people who didn’t think they were into ‘new wave’ were actually into it. Established artists dating back to the 60s were giving their music a very 80s, very electronic drum and synth based spin to score chart hits. And MTV of course took a foothold in 83, thanks in part to the draw of Michael Jackson.

Unfortunately, this is a landmark that Square Pegs never got to explore because it only lasted one season. By the time “Billie Jean” and “Beat It” were in heavy rotation on MTV in the spring of 83, all episodes of Square Pegs had already aired. In fact, even though MTV premiered in August of 81 and was already a hit with kids, from the day Square Pegs premiered a year later, and through its 19 episode run, it never mentioned the channel once! I can’t imagine they could have ignored its existence if they show had returned in the autumn of 83 for a second season! And would the show have embraced complete dedication to the 80s and worked the giant careers of MJ, Madonna, Bruce Springsteen, Prince, and Tina Turner into the show if it had continued on a few years more, even though none of those artists were new wave, the show’s defining characteristic? We’ll never know.

The new wave music is just the beginning of how 80s Square Pegs was. The fashions are out of control. Skinny ties abound, although lead character Lauren often sports a fat tie with her suspenders. Johnny Slash has a tail so long sprouting from the nape of his neck that he even has baby dolls hanging from it at times. He even runs for WeeMaWee High Indian mascot with hopes that the principal will finally let him get a Mohawk. Head bands, leg warmers and Ray Ban sunglasses are other major fashions on the show, as well as Vinnie’s tight Jordache jeans. That was a sight for my 13 year-old-mind to behold.

Speaking of, 80s visual stimulation is all over the place on Square Pegs, waiting to tickle your senses. Johnny Slash is always wearing a walkman, and can even be seen manually rewinding a cassette. An entire episode (the third episode) is dedicated to comic-wannabe Marshall becoming addicted to Pac Man when a machine is brought into the school, along with an Asteroids and Star Castle machine. We are treated to authentic screens of the game as he plays, and at the end of the episode, Lauren finds herself drawn to a Ms. Pac Man machine. And what’s more 80s than Jennifer sipping on a can of saccharin-loaded, cancer-causing Tab?

How many 80s references can you count?

Name dropping is another big component of the 80s allure of the show. Muffy envisions a Poltergeist themed Bat Mitzvah, and Johnny references the film, saying “They’re here!” after Marshall’s eyes glaze over from playing too much Pac Man. Lauren and Patty, after playing a prank at school, fear they are going to be grounded until the release of Poltergeist 2 (which would become a film in 1986) or worse, until the release of E.T. part 12 (that film didn’t even get one sequel). And speaking of sequels, Vinnie (who would be the resulting lovechild of a threesome between, John Travolta, Adrian Zmed and Joey from Friends) is eagerly anticipating the sequel to Saturday Night Fever, which is to be directed by one of his heroes, Sylvester Stallone (said sequel came out in the summer of 83, right after the show’s demise). Jennifer tells Vinnie to pick out his own clothes like Richard Gere in American Gigilo. Marshall, of course, ends up with Pac Man elbow, an epidemic that was as real as Rubik’s thumb for teens of the era. LaDonna tells Jennifer she has a lot more to offer Vinnie than Donkey Kong. Marshall imagines Muhammad Ali taking out the cast of The Facts of Life (a jab at what would become the most popular teen sitcoms of the 80s). And Johnny mentions making fish food from Pop Rocks (cruel but funny!).

Just Can’t Get Enough New Wave Hits of the 80s: Square Pegs

If only Rhino had released such a volume in their popular 80s CD series, much like they compiled a Valley Girl soundtrack years later. Square Pegs deserves a soundtrack—because it’s the soundtrack to a generation. Whoever was responsible for the musical decisions made on this show was way ahead of the curve, and the new wave-centric atmosphere could put most John Hughes films that would come a few years later to shame. Before I even get to the classic tracks used in the show, let’s talk about the posters that appear on the walls of the radio station at the school where Marshall and Johnny Slash spin all the hottest new wave records. This is just a list of the posters I was able to note throughout the season’s episodes:

ABC

Altered Images

Laurie Anderson

Toni Basil

Pat Benatar

B-52s

Blondie

Clash

Elvis Costello

Devo

Thomas Dolby

A Flock of Seagulls

Fun Boy Three

Heaven 17

Human League

Billy Idol

Joe Jackson

Killer Pussy (a poster for the song “Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage,” select words carefully covered by other posters for censorship)

Men at Work

Models

Motels

Oingo Boingo

Iggy Pop

Pete Shelley

Soft Cell

Squeeze

Stray Cats

Swinging Madisons

Tom Tom Club

John Waite

Kim Wilde

XTC

The musical references abound as well. When trying to get Johnny and Patty to write a song together for his band to perform at a grocery store, Lauren calls songwriters like Elvis Costello the poets of our time and points out that the Plasmatics sang jingles. Johnny Slash wears a B-52’s “Mesopotamia” shirt. Patty and Lauren translate “Valley Girl” into Guatemalan for the child that Muffy always talks about sponsoring. Muffy is forced to change the location of her Bat Mitzvah due to fear of slam dancing, the same reason Johnny Slash’s band is booted from Saturday Night Live. Johnny Rotten’s name appears in graffiti on a bathroom stall door. Eerily, in a spring episode, Jennifer mentions watching Marvin Gaye on Merv Griffin, which would have been only a little more than a year before his death in April of 84. Johnny Slash mentions knowing a roadie for the Clash, says the crowded diner (simply called “Grease” by the teens) reminds him of the Go-Go’s dressing room, and refers to Debbie Harry as the sexiest girl when asked. LaDonna describes Jennifer as a Pat Benatar without chipmunk cheeks (there were also Pat Benatar look-alikes referenced in Fast Times at Ridgemont High the same year) and complains about being dragged to four Olivia Newton-John concerts by Jennifer (this was just as “Physical” was about to tear up the charts). LaDonna also brings her Grandmaster Flash records to the Halloween party (to which Muffy makes a seriously early jab at rap that still exists today, asking why she didn’t bring any groups that sing). At the same party, Johnny wants to ask a Ouija board what the lyrics are to “Brass in Pocket” by the Pretenders.

It’s not all music talk at WeeMaWee. The new wave songs used in this show could fill a couple of soundtrack and were as important to its tone then as are the songs used in Glee today. Unfortunately, for the DVD release, the rights were not secured for a good amount of the songs used in Square Pegs. Is it really that expensive to license these songs—songs that appear on dozens upon dozens of 80s compilation CDs that sell for like 8 dollars??? This is some spilled milk I absolutely will cry over because many of the original songs have been replaced by generic substitutions. I’ve been able to piece together some of the original titles used in the show that have been replaced on the DVD thanks to Google, but not all of them. First, here are the songs that are retained on the DVD:

The very first episode is pretty crucial, because The Waitresses actually appear on the show, performing both “I Know What Boys Like” AND the show’s theme song “Square Pegs,” both of which are intact on DVD.

In Episode 8, Johnny Slash’s band perform their own ‘original’ song called “I’m Tired,” a pretty cool Devo-esque/B-52’s-esque track. Too bad there never was a Square Pegs soundtrack album released. “I’m Tired” may not be as cool as the awesome new wave song “The Gimme That” performed on Fame by Doris and Montgomery the same year, but it would still be awesome to have in my record collection. (how gay am I?)

Episode 9 is dedicated to Devo, who perform at Muffy’s Bat Mitzvah, so their songs are presents. Johnny listens to “We Are Devo” while dying his hair pink and the band performs my all time favorite Devo song, “That’s Good,” at the party, with the entire cast actually dancing in rhythm to the song! Hot.

In Episode 12, Marshall is spinning in the radio station and introduces the song “He Could Be the One” by Josie Cotton (better known for her track “Johnny Are You Queer”), and the song is actually used on the DVD.

In the final Episode (technically Episode 19 since the Christmas episode was an hour and considered two episodes), several of the songs from Berlin’s awesome Pleasure Victim EP are featured, including “Sex (I’m A)” (just the intro), “World of Smiles” and “Tell Me Why.” That’s some major exposure for the band. Billy Idol’s “Come On, Come On” is also used in the episode, and the rockabilly band Jimmy and the Mustangs performs two songs (they never made it big even on the new wave scene, although they did have a record released).

That’s the good new wave news. Now for the bad no wave news. Here are some of the songs missing from the DVDs. If anyone has any info as to what I’m missing with these tracks, please leave me a comment to let me know. Thanks.

In Episode 1, there was originally a B-52’s song played outside the dance. Not sure what song was used (it may have been “Private Idaho,” my all time favorite song by them).

In episodes 2, 10, 14 and 17 there are scenes at the Grease that had different song playing when the shows originally aired, replaced on the DVDs. Don’t know what the original tracks were.

In Episode 6, Marshall introduces two different songs by punk band Armed Response. I’m not sure if either is actually by Armed Response because I’ve never heard anything by them. In another episode, he introduces a Minor Threat track, but the track is not used on the DVD.

In the Christmas episode, “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses was originally used. WHY they secured the rights to the two songs in episode 1 but couldn’t include this Christmas classic makes no sense.

In Episode 13, a song has been replaced in a hallway scene. Many have noted that the song on the DVD sounds like the Cars (it totally does), but I can’t imagine them getting the rights to a song by the Cars any cheaper. Or maybe it’s one of the Rick Ocasek solo tracks from that era. I’d have to listen to the song on the DVD and then skip through EVERY one of my Cars CDs to see if I can find it. Knowing me, I’ll probably end up doing that.

One scene at the Grease in Episode 14 originally used “Hot in the City” by Billy Idol, replaced by an unknown song on the DVD. Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” was used three times in Episode 16, now replaced. Again, they used one Billy Idol song on the DVDs (in the final episode) so why not get rights to all of them? The worst offender is replacing “Dancing with Myself” in Episode 17 with a slower song. If you watch the DVD, you can clearly see that the kids are all doing the typical white person skip-dance to the faster tempo of the Billy Idol song.

In Episode 18, the use of “The Metro” by Berlin during a scene at the Grease is replaced on the DVD, but again, WHY, considering they used nearly every other song from the Pleasure Victim EP in the final episode on the DVD? Was “The Metro” really that much more expensive to use???

Who didn’t have Vinnie Fever? (and other sexy boy moments of Square Pegs)

Yes, my 13-year-old mind was hot for Vinnie and his hot Jordache jeans when Square Pegs originally aired. The show definitely tried to paint him as the next Vinnie Barbarino (Welcome Back, Kotter) or Arthur Fonzarelli (Happy Days), with references to both John Travolta and the Fonz made in the show. Whenever Vinnie does something involving his body on the show, all the girls on screen hoot and holler. We get to see Vinnie pumping iron, and more importantly, dance around in a skimpy Indian costume when he is in the running to be the new WeeMaWee mascot. And in the Devo episode, Vinnie slips into some serious leather and chains! Wow. I’m surprised there was no reference made to the movie Cruising!

Not to be out-studded, our modest Johnny Slash also tantalizes with the flesh. He looks more like Billy Idol in his ‘Indian’ outfit, with leather pants and a black tanktop, but he is much more revealing in an actual boys locker room shower scene in which we see him showering from the chest up! This may have been the first boys shower room scene ever on a TV show! It definitely feels like something right out of an 80s teen movie.

Maybe these ‘square pegs’ were just looking for sympathy?

If the ‘bullying’ done at WeeMaWee High was the extent of it in the high school experience, there would never be any school shootings. I mean, Jennifer and LaDonna were incredibly easy-going bitches. Lauren just seemed hyper-sensitive from the start. Hell, I would guess that her insecurities are the very things that caused LaDonna to refer to her as the ‘that fat girl’ and to Patty as ‘that fat girl’s friend.’ In the final episode of the series, when patty asks LaDonna if she knows their actual names, LaDonna openly admits she does (although she pronounces Lauren’s name wrong). Even though the writers may have not known they were writing the SERIES finale and not just the SEASON finale, they did a really good job of tying things up—the snobs prove not to be all that exclusionary, but definitely exclusionary enough for the Lauren and Patty to realize maybe they don’t need to hang with Jennifer’s crowd to be cool because they have each other, Marshall and Johnny Slash, who has enough connections to score them a private party with the band that played at Jennifer and Vinnie’s anniversary party—the party they were not invited to but so desperate to get into.

Simply because she wants to fit into the ‘high school experience’ and on the heels of that, because she hates being teased for being fat and having braces (neither of which was real on actress Amy Linker, who wore fake braces and fat pads), Lauren spends the whole series trying to become popular. Most often, her plans for popularity involve Patty as the pawn because of her strengths and talents like singing and writing (and constantly removing Patty’s glasses—a ‘geek’ symbol that can be taken off, unlike her own braces). Ironically this isn’t a sign of Lauren just using Patty’s friendship, but points to Lauren actually being proud of her, respecting her, and looking up to her. At the same time, Lauren is blinded to how she treats others just as she doesn’t want to be treated, as she is constantly looking to shun the unconditional friendship of Marshall and Johnny Slash—who seem to have crushes on she and Patty, respectively. She kind of realizes her hypocrisy at the end of the season, but surely if the show had continued, she would have fallen back into those old habits. After all, she’s a teenager who desperately wants to be liked.

The truth is, Lauren inflates the bullying to something it really isn’t. I’ve never seen such pleasant bullies in my life. I mean, let’s be honest. While they’re always SAYING they don’t want to be seen around Lauren and Patty, Jennifer and LaDonna talk to them in every episode and usually end up at the same social gathering as them! Hell, when I was in school, cliques didn’t interact AT ALL and there was some very cruel loathing involved, plus plenty of vicious treatment of the kids labeled as the geeks. However, what’s great about Square Pegs’ flawed concept of cliques is how it demonstrates that while there are desperate Lauren-types who want to fit in, in reality, the majority of a class is comprised of the non-popular or non-geek kids who really don’t give a shit about the ‘popular’ crowd, much like Marshall and Johnny (and usually, Patty). The hang up in this show is almost exclusively Lauren’s. Patty’s laid back nature actually does draw people to her. She nearly scores with a very cute senior from week one as a freshman, and there are also some intense moments with none other than Vinnie, who seems to have a place in his heart for her. Her slightly veiled confidence shines through and makes her attractive, glasses or not! I’m sure if the series had continued, they would have created some complications involving a secret fling between she and Vinnie (which would have been a great storyline), but in the end, I’m almost positive Patty would have ended up with Johnny Slash. Unfortunately, I don’t know that Marshall would have ever stood a chance with Lauren. We can only ponder the possibilities of the characters’ futures and simply rewind season one again and again (okay, reinsert Disc 1 and start over—I was going for a retro VHS moment there).

HALLOWEEN XII: the ultimate Square Pegs episode

Being me, I need to explore the brilliant Halloween episode of Square Pegs as its own entity. Why? Because it’s a blatant homage to slasher movies that was 14 years ahead of Scream. While it uses the 1978 film Halloween as its main source material, we all know that Halloween is an unofficial 80s film, because it literally was the mold from which all 80s slashers were created. When the Halloween episode of Square Pegs aired, slashers were all the rage. We’d been bombarded by dozens of them in a two year span, including three Friday the 13^th films, Halloween II, Prom Night, Terror Train, Happy Birthday to Me, My Bloody Valentine, and various other knockoffs. The creators of Square Pegs either loved slashers as much as they loved new wave music, or did some serious homework to pretty much generate the slasher rules Randy would claim as his own 14 years later.

Once again, Square Pegs seems so attune to trends. Who could have predicted that when they playfully titled this episode ‘Halloween XII’ that we’d be close to that many films in the franchise thirty years later? Then there are some FREAKY coincidences. While the class is watching a school filmstrip about Halloween safety, Marshall says to Johnny Slash, “just keep telling yourself it’s only slideshow,” and soon after, their teacher, Ms. Loomis, with a sadistic look in her eyes, scratches her fingernails slowly down the chalkboard!!! WTF??? A Nightmare on Elm Street wouldn’t be released until two years after this, with Freddy’s infamous fingernail scratching and Johnny Depp telling Heather Langenkamp to just keep telling herself it’s only a dream so she’ll wake up!!! Cue the Twilight Zone theme!

But back to the Halloween episode. LaDonna has one of the best lines when she tells Jennifer that “white people in sheets isn’t my idea of a good time!” But the rest of the freshman class laments that they are too old to Trick or Treat (ah, I remember the conundrum well). Muffy suggests that they all have a slumber party at their ‘lonely’ teacher’s house (the slasher Slumber Party Massacre would be released a month later!). So their teacher Ms. Loomis agrees. How CONVENIENT is it that her last name is Loomis, considering that was the name of Donald Pleasance’s character from Halloween!!! Awesome.

All the Halloween conventions are present. Vinnie tells Jennifer “Halloween’s a scary night. Better watch out for the boogeyman” before the gathering. In attendance are Patty and Lauren, Muffy, and Jennifer and LaDonna. Once the party is started, we see the Loomis home through the eyes of the ‘killer’s’ mask. It’s all so familiar to Halloween fans, right down to a Jack-O’-Lantern sitting on the front porch. Before long, Vinnie calls to scare the girls with some ‘heavy breathing,’ then the lights go out. A knock on the door terrifies all the girls before LaDonna has her second classic line of this film, when she nonchalantly makes a social comment on black people talking to the screen in horror films by exclaiming, “Child, you better grab that knife!” Again, this is like two decades before this kind of joke became a cliché in dozens of horror films and satires like Scary Movie. Patty smartly responds, “He probably brought his own.”
But alas, it’s only Marshall and Johnny at the door, who announce themselves before they are invited in by calling the girls ‘babysitters’. Marshall is dressed as one of the then hugely popular McKenzie Brothers (you hoser!). But Johnny definitely gets prize for best costume. In true Michael Myers style, he is wearing a sheet and glasses—Ray-Bans, that is! And conveniently, since one of his favorite words is “totally,” he drops it immediately, upon entering…and it just so happens that’s the same word Linda uses repeatedly in Halloween. Of course, she wasn’t so ‘new wave’ until the actress who played her, P.J. Soles, starred in Rock N Roll High School a year later–although, the Ramones are more like punk than new wave. And that’s a totally different head. Totally.

Once inside, Marshall reveals that a patient has escaped from the mental institution, the teacher pulls out a Ouija board, and Marshall turns on ‘Creature Theater.’ In true haunted house style, thunder and lightning strikes, leading Johnny to claim that “God’s bowling!” Holy!!! That parental lie is SO a memory of my youth!!!

Finally, Vinnie shows up at the party. With the gang all present, there’s one last knock on the door. Lauren sees this as an opportunity for her and Patty to gain cool cred by bravely answering the door. As she drags Patty to the door, she promises her that the killers never kill virgins!!! How fricking unoriginal is Scream??? The girls throw open the door to find the ‘killer’ tangled up in some outdoor wind chimes. And the killer turns out to be…oh come on. Haven’t I spoiled it enough already with every last detail of the entire episode?

“Can someone please xplain what the big deal is with #Glee ?..what’s so entertaining about watchin actors lip sync 4 an hour?..I don’t get it…oh…so…this is what really goes on in HS nowadays?…kids walk around lip syncin 2 auto tuned radio garbage? ..not hatin,just dont get it”

Well, for starters, I have to say, this is why I don’t Tweet—because I much prefer the ability to actually stay as close to English grammar as possible, so blogging allows me to re-read what I’ve written and at least correct the occasional typo. Plus, rather than the knee-jerk reaction to stimulus that Tweeting is (the kind that leaves you looking all jerk, without the knee), blogging offers you time to RATIONALLY think about what you’re saying before you say it.

As for Yamin’s comments, doesn’t Elliott expect people to watch and like his lip synced videos on MTV Hits??? Judging a show simply as the one with ‘the lip syncing high school kids’ (which many haters on message boards do with this show) is incredibly shallow for someone like Yamin, who claims to be an artist. As an artist, he should recognize the aristry that goes into the show–there’s a whole lot more than just lip syncing going on here. The writing is complex, there’s characterization, human emotions and social experiences are explored, and the humor is fantastic even if not everyone’s cup of tea (all humor is subjective—how else would Russell Brand keep getting jobs?). Most importantly, despite lip syncing during filming (something that’s been done in movie musicals since their inception–is  West Side Story a piece of garbage?), just like Elliott, these kids are going into recording studios to actually sing this stuff first, where there may be some fine-tuning of vocals, just as there is with every recording artist. But on top of that, these kids are learning lines, acting and emoting, spending hours learning choreography, getting fit into costumes–yeah, sure. This show is just a bunch of hacks being autotuned for a living…

But on to last night’s episode, a perfect demonstration of why this show is loved and appreciated by so many. The show was all about the struggles of being who we are, saying what we feel, and the masks we wear to hide the painful truths and our own insecurities. Musically, it was all brilliantly captured through the music and personas of Lady GaGa and Kiss (who would ever have imagined this kind of combination?). Sure, the girls’ (and gay’s) performance of “Bad Romance” was fun, and the boys’ performance of Kiss’s “Shout it Out Loud” a hot mess. But a song like “Poker Face” took on a totally different meaning when being sung as a duet between Lea Michele and her TV mom Idina Menzel—revealing that while the two women were claiming they weren’t ready to be mother and daughter, what they were feeling inside, behind their ‘poker faces’ was a totally different story. And how brilliant of the writers to pull back on a story that seemed to be propelling forward way too fast. That’s a not-uncommon practice on the show, which often feels like it’s giving you the money shot way too fast, but then gives the ‘predictable’ storyline a complicated twist that is far being resolved. Sure, Rachel and her mom have called off a hugs and kisses reunion for now, because that would be too easy. Instead, the show is opting for realism. This is going to be a slow burn.

And then we have the harshly realistic tension that has arisen between Kurt and Finn, even if the circumstances are kind of ridiculous with their parents deciding to move the two families in together and force the classmates to share a single bedroom as if they are brothers. For starters, if Kurt’s house is so much bigger than Finn’s house with two and a half bathrooms, why the frick do Kurt and Finn have to SHARE a room—the basement, no less? What exactly is the rest of the house comprised of? A kitchen, living room, dad’s bedroom and two and a half bathrooms? But, whatever. Because the results of this new living arrangement are painfully real—especially on Finn’s part. And my only problem with the whole storyline is that it’s so unbalanced. Two teenage boys have to share a room—one straight, one gay. Why is it that the straight boy is the only one who has to learn to deal with it? When Kurt makes their space look like something out of The King and I, Finn flips out and calls some of the décor ‘faggy.’ Kurt’s dad goes ballistic and makes a heart-wrenching speech about expecting more from Finn and the true homophobia that using that word reveals in a person. Kurt, just like most gays, is so used to hearing the word, often simply as a synonym for ‘not cool,’ so he tries to defend Finn’s usage. But in the end, it is Finn who is pretty much told he just has to deal and accept that he’s a homophobe. But that’s not reality, and that’s not really the full extent of Finn’s side of the story, which is where the writing became one sided.

The fact is, in high school, everyone is uncomfortable—with their bodies, with their sexuality, with the thought of changing in front of their peers in the locker room. All the gay guys I know were the ones who were incredibly uncomfortable with stripping down to their undies in front of other boys. And let’s be honest. What straight teenage boy wouldn’t be uncomfortable in an intimate setting like sharing a bed and bathroom if he knew the boy he is sharing with is gay AND has a crush on him? Finn’s feelings are perfectly natural and he has every right to express them, even if they way he expressed it wasn’t particularly PC. And it doesn’t help that Kurt is so stalkerish in his feelings for Finn. It would be more realistic if Kurt was awkward and uncomfortable around Finn rather than trying to devise a plot to get them to be roomies. The whole plot makes his character seem way too calculated and, you know, like the stereotypical gay predator. Considering the majority of the creators behind the show probably ARE gay, it’s surprising that they would paint him this way and then berate the straight character for being an ‘insensitive,’ homophobic bully. It feels to me like they’ve written themselves into a problematic situation that is only managing to present both characters involved as two-dimensional stereotypes. In the end, it is Finn who sees that it is HE who is completely in the wrong, so he comes to his senses, admits he has a lot to learn, and protects Kurt from other bullies. Well, when is it Kurt’s turn to learn to respect others? Sure, he claims he got over Finn a long time ago, but that’s way too easy an out for him. He also needs to learn that straights have feelings that are just as real. Hopefully the creators are going to work on that.

But one more smart moment stems from the boys’ new living arrangement—which began weeks ago in the ‘Home’ episode, which included the song “A House is Not a Home” being sung by Kurt and Finn. The thinking ahead that must go into this show, because continuing the Kiss theme, Puck sings Kiss’s “Beth” to Quinn in reference to what they are going to name their baby, but Finn takes over for one verse—a verse that includes the line “our house just ain’t a home,” which he sings while looking directly at Kurt. Wow. Yeah, these Glee people are a real bunch of hacks.

Last week’s poignant downer of an episode about Kurt’s continuing conflict with his dad and Rachel visiting a paralyzed boy before she realizes that she’s more than just her voice—the upside of the episode being Puck’s rendition of “Lady is a Tramp” (you know, just because it was more screen time for Puck. Yum!)—has been balanced by this week’s showstoppers. First there’s an always welcome guest star in the can-do-no-wrong Neil Patrick Harris. He rocks Aerosmith’s “Dream On” in a duet with Mr. Schuester, and supplies a knowing audience with a great wink-wink moment when he and Sue Sylvester (played by fellow gay Jane Lynch) explode with sexual lust for each other.

Stepping into the spotlight for a change—literally—is wheelchair-bound Artie, who dreams of being able to dance. In this episode he gets his chance in a dream sequence that is possibly one of the absolute best visual performances the show has delivered yet. Doing a fantastic cover of the Men Without Hats 80s classic “The Safety Dance” in a Tiffany-like mall setting to keep with the 80s theme, Artie and a parade of dancers pull off some serious choreography that is perfectly in step with the equally choreographed camera work, which offers all the right angles and moves, the viewpoint often jumping to the perspective of mall onlookers filming on their cell phones. It’s a very ‘Flip’ camera commercial inspired moment. This is one of those numbers you can just watch over and over again (aka: the full Season 1 better be released on Blu-Ray A.S.A.P. so I can watch it all summer long!)

But of course, the most crucial dream of this episode is Rachel’s dream of finding her mother. Are the creators really giving the fans what they’ve been dreaming of all along? Is Broadway star Idina Menzel, who bares a striking resemblance to former Broadway actress Lea Michele, really Rachel’s long lost mother? Or is this very emotional storyline, complete with a duet between the two women of the Les Mis classic “I Dreamed a Dream,” a red herring that’s going to have a cruel twist, perhaps revealing some sort of dastardly plan by Idina’s character to have her choir win the competition by distracting Rachel from performing her best with a false tale of being her mother? Who knows? And either way, it’s going to have viewers on the edge of their seats for the few remaining episodes of this season! I hope she IS Rachel’s mother simply because I want Idina to be a somewhat regular cast member!!!

A couple of months back I stumbled upon this game that I didn’t know existed for the PS2, so it only cost my 10 bux—with the game pad—instead of the new release price of like 50 bux. Being a huge collector of the Dance Dance Revolution games, I’m always excited to add a game with new songs to my arsenal.

Well, this High School Musical game is very different. Instead of the usual DDR scheme of left/right/up/down arrows scrolling up from the bottom, side by side so your eyes can easily keep them in scope, this game is set up so that there are ‘brackets’ to the North, South, West and East of the television screen. Green balls appear from the center of the screen and move towards the four different brackets—which means, in order to hit the up/down/left/right steps on your dance pad at just the moment when the ball hits the bracket, your eyes seriously have to jump ALL OVER the screen. This isn’t so bad in easier stages (Sophomore and Junior years—don’t know why there’s no Freshman year), but by Senior stage, your eyes are doing some serious Marty Feldman Young Frankenstein Igor shit.

Eventually, you do sort of get used to the alternate screen layout, but you’re definitely at a disadvantage when too many balls are releasing from the center of the screen at once. Your timing gets thrown off as you try to look from one side of the screen to the other quickly to determine exactly which ball is closer to the bracket towards which it is heading. Argh! On top of this, there are no ‘half note’ colors or syncopated color variations, the way the arrows in DDR are distinguished. You simply have to guesstimate when the green balls are going to hit the brackets. Ridiculous. There are, however, purple balls that leave the center at the same time, moving in different directions. These signify that you have to jump on two direction arrows in unison, a concept similar to the DDR series. And finally, there are occasionally these “wildcat” balls that give you more points, and from what I could tell while playing the game, if you don’t hit each one in the series at exactly the right moment, they convert back to plain old green balls, forfeiting you the bonus. For added fun, there’s an outline of a star in the upper left corner of the screen that fills up with color as you get continuous combinations of steps right. When the star fills up completely, an ‘X’ and ‘O’ symbol appear very subtly under the star. This is your chance to simultaneously jump on both of these corresponding keys on the dance pad (sort of like an extra dance step in the middle of your game) to start a timer that runs down as you continue doing your dance moves for added bonus points.

The graphics are great in this game—song are from all three films (29 songs in all, playable in every difficulty level) and are presented along with a rather faithful video game version of the cast singing and dancing to the song just as they did in the movies. It gave me a good chance to get to know the songs better, because I only watched each film once on cable and although I own each soundtrack, I’ve only listened to each one once! For shame. Take away my gay card. But really, doesn’t buying this cheesy game make up for all that??? But back to the game. The big problem with the game is the dance step programming. It’s TERRIBLE, most often lacking any sense of actual flow like real dance moves. This game couldn’t possibly have been programmed by anyone with a sense of rhythm and dance aesthetics. DDR, even when it follows, let’s say, instrumental nuances or vocal syncopations instead of the songs’ beats, does so in places that make sense and are clear accents in the structure of the actual song. In this game, it’s very often completely random very often and lands on illogical, non-rhythmic syllables in the vocals! Plus, the pacing of the dance steps is often just ‘off’ and not fluid. You find yourself WANTING to move to the groove of the song, but suddenly getting tripped up with your foot hovering in the air as you try balancing one leg waiting for that next lagging dance step to hit at one of its bizarre moments. Seriously—what songs were the programmers of this game listening to, because it sure wasn’t the songs in the game.

Even with all these obstacles, the game is still actually quite easy even at its most difficult level, simply because it’s pretty forgiving, essentially because it was made for 14-year-olds, not 41-year-olds…. As a result, even in Senior level, it simply isn’t much of a workout and you don’t break a sweat like you do in DDR games. And once you’ve worked your way through the Senior year (you have to play easier levels to unlock the more difficult levels), all you can really do is continue to play the 29 songs on Senior level for any sort of challenge. So if you want to dance to some High School Musical songs but retain that traditional DDR feel, you’re better off buying the Disney edition of Dance Dance Revolution that was released for the PS2.

Meanwhile, while I can barely pay my mortgage despite busting my ass at my job, people get paid big bucks to host shows like Extra despite making uninformed comments like, “Chely Wright is the ONLY country singer to EVER come out of the closet.” Really? REALLY? I know she’s not Elvis Presley (although she’s been known to drag up like him), but you’ve never heard of K.D. Lang??? Maybe I’m the one who’s uniformed, because the first time I ever heard of country singer Chely Wright was two days ago when I was sadly TMI (too much informed) that she feasts on trailer trash tuna taco—you know, the same time the hosts on Extra learned who she was.

It’s so perfect how Mr. Schuester further pissed off all those who hate his wigger routines by celebrating the most despised king of white hip hop, Vanilla Ice. I can not believe V’s classic Queen/David Bowie rip-off is 20 years old this year. I remember being at some college party in 1990, and all the girls were gathered around the stereo all night changing stations continuously in search of every moment of airplay “Ice, Ice Baby” got. The highlight of that night for me was when they must have moved the dial past the local new wave station, because when the famous bassline kicked in, all the girls squealed with delight…then groaned in despair as David Bowie and Freddie Mercury began singing instead! Heh heh.

But back to the highlights of Glee. Next, we have Rachel tackling the Jim Steinman/Bonnie Tyler 1983 classic “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Considering Steinman’s compositions are always mega-melodramatic (this is, after all, the man who created every brilliant hyper-theatrical Meatloaf hit), it seemed like the perfect vehicle for Lea Michele’s over-the-top style. I’d say she handled it perfectly, but this is one case where I wasn’t like “she blew away the original artist.” Something about Bonnie Tyler’s harsh rasp is just the key ingredient for this song. Lea’s vocals ended up sounding more like they were lifted from the cheesy hi-nrg cover by Nicki French in the 90s! But the visual performance with all the guys singing “turn around bright eyes” and the ballet dancing was nicely done. It’s just ironic that the storyline didn’t allow for Kurt to sing the “turn around bright eyes” part, considering his almost castrato sound and gender identity.

There were some interesting “cameos” as well. The gym teacher made what I believe is his first appearance since his marriage to Emma was called off, and Rachel enlisted the help of the teacher who was canned at the beginning of the series for possessing drugs, who played the role as the killer father in her “Run Joey, Run” video! And in that same video, there’s a delicious cameo of Puck’s gorgeous hairy armpit. Wow. Meanwhile, Molly Shannon had one important reason to be on the show last night—so that Sue Sylvester could threaten to kick her in the taco! I could not believe my ears (which began immediately bleeding at the thought) when she said that on prime time television!

And then there’s Olivia, her 61-year-old face glowing thanks to her plastic surgery. She was awesome. Her quick lines totally mocking her devotion to her many causes (Koala bears, her daughter Chloe, etc.) were best appreciated by those who know her, as was her satire about her self-proclaimed (and truly) massive successes like Grease and “Physical.” But the crowning moment was of course her duet with Sue Sylvester on the Lady GaGa-inspired, autotuned-to-death modern take on “Physical.” This remake needs radio airplay, seriously. So hot. Better than any of the bootleg dance mixes of the song I uncovered in the 90s, with the addition of some seriously sexy female background singers. And then there’s the video. I love the way you could see that Olivia at times was genuinely laughing at Jane Lynch’s performance of “Physical” as Sue Sylvester. And just like the song, the updated take on Olivia’s original video (complete with the jiggling butt in speedos) was fantastic, with some seriously scrumptious guys doing some phenomenal modern dance moves at floor level. It was even funnier watching Jane Lynch ‘roll’ around with these guys and slapping an ass when you know she’s a lesbian in real life. My ONLY disappointment was the removal of the gay reference from the end of Olivia’s original video, in which she watches all the muscular men walking out the door hand-in-hand! Even so, my immediate reaction was to run and look for their video online to rewatch it, something the producers clearly expected of the audience, therefore having Mercedes, after the kids finish watching it online in the show, frantically slap her knees while chanting, “Again, again, again!” Now excuse me while I go watch the clip online a couple hundred more times…

Then last week we had the phenomenal Madonna episode. Immediately, Madonna haters took to the boards. Unfortunately, this show is meant to be an obsessed music lover’s wet dream, so if you loath every one of Madonna’s perfectly crafted pop songs (not even Madonna herself), then you’re not quite the music lover meant for this show. And that goes for those who complained that the ENTIRE show was music with way too much singing. Funny, because during Season 1 Part 1 in the fall, whenever I watched the show, I couldn’t WAIT until the next musical number began. So the Madonna episode was truly heaven for me. People also hated the “Vogue” video, which was, in my opinion a brilliant showcase for the seemingly endless talents of Jane Lynch, who nailed every nuance of Madonna’s performance from the original “Vogue” video exactly 20 years ago. And of course there was the delicious Borderline/Open Your Heart mashup and the perfectly edited sex montage of “Like a Virgin” that was like a campy homage to the pre-rumble Quintet from West Side Story!

Which leads to last night’s episode which, once watched, gives the keenest and most dedicated viewers a better understanding of why we were treated to a total musical Madonna romp last week. It was to strike a balance, because this week’s ‘Home’ episode was sad, poignant, emotional pretty much from start to finish, and allowed us to explore the depth of some of the ‘supporting’ characters for a change—with a music lover’s appreciation for a wide array of songs from pop (“Fire”) to Broadway (The Wiz’s “Home”). Kristin Chenoweth shined (surprise, surprise) in her second appearance on the show, we were treated to more of the back story of Finn’s mom, Kurt’s complicated relationship with his dad was expanded upon, and Mercedes’ vulnerabilities were revealed. Like real life, Glee’s story arc has its ups and downs, highs and lows, good times and bad times, and this wavering tone is the very essence of what makes it so relatable.

In the meantime, other general complaints abound. People don’t want Mr. Schuester to do his hip hop rapping and dancing. WHY? He looks adorable and I’d MUCH rather watch him do it than Eminem. Rachel sings too much, ‘screams’ her notes and is way overrated. All I can say is, guy or not, I only WISH I could sing like Lea Michele and I never get sick of listening to her masterful delivery of any song she’s handed. Sue Sylvester makes too many comments about Will’s hair. Well, the show must have been reading the complaints, because they addressed that in the Madonna episode, and Sue Sylvester, being who she is, pretty much told the complainers to go stick it because it is what she does and she’s going to continue to do it. The show also addressed the complaints of too much singing on the show when Rachel’s boyfriend suggested she come out of the bathroom so they could talk…or sing…about it. Get used to it all you people who tuned into a show about SINGING called GLEE. They’re going to sing. A LOT. And Rachel getting all the solos while Mercedes gets only the high note at the end of each song? Mercedes griped about that for us. And in total contradiction, there were complaints that last night’s episode focused too much on Mercedes. Wow. I know you can’t please everyone, but if everyone watches shows like this with complete expectations about how every episode should play out, then they really aren’t looking for stimulating entertainment. I WANT the show to take me on a surprise journey, not to some pre-designated destination I’ve already decided on. So all I ask is that Glee please please PLEASE be true to itself and not change for anyone. Because Glee is beautiful, no matter what they say.

Really funny thing about the horror film Maniac. Just around the time the VHS format was winning the format war (bye bye beta), they rushed the movie Flashdance onto video in the fall of 1983 to cash in on its recent summer success. My high school friend already had a VCR, so we got his dad to take us to the local video store (where I would eventually work!) to rent some movies. The two movies we chose were Flashdance and the 1980 film Maniac. I had no idea at the time that the classic Michael Sembello hit from Flashdance that shares its name with the 1980 horror movie was originally meant to be used in the horror movie, the lyrics then rewritten for the film Flashdance instead. How weird is that? And how predictable that I would immerse myself in such six degrees of 80s trivia without even realizing it???

Anyway, Maniac is a film that gets a lot of praise on the horror boards, but it’s one of many films that I never found myself able to really like because the movie actually takes us mostly on a journey WITH the killer. Sorry, but I simply can’t relate to a killer, no matter how ‘tragic’ his back story. In fact, a similar film from the same year that I like even less is the brutal Don’t Answer the Phone. A more modern take on this genre that I really never felt the need to see again once I saw it is The Last Horror Movie. I simply don’t find it scary or frightening to, you know, be on board with the killer and have no connection to or sympathy for the victims, which is usually the case with these films.

However, upon rewatching Maniac, it definitely does succeed on several points. For starters, there’s the awesome synthesizer horror soundtrack. Of course. And where this film succeeds the most is in the way it shifts away from the killer as a human and to the typical slasher perspective—killer stalking victim in isolated location. It also shows us the classic, stereotypical sinister, seedy city streets of New York as it was always portrayed in films back then. The funniest ‘goof’ would be when one of his victims runs down to the subway platform to get away from him as he chases her. Unfortunately, she misses the train as it pulls away…at which point, we see that there are at least half a dozen people standing on the platform right across from her…yet she runs away as if she’s all alone with no one to scream to for help, and then corners herself in an empty restroom!

The film is definitely gritty, and actor Joe Spinnell is perfect as the kind of total sleazebag perv creep anyone would fear meeting in a dark alley. He’s slovenly, sweaty, greasy-haired, with a pockmarked face and bulging yet beady black eyes. He carries his murder weapons in a violin case. And, of course, he talks to himself and is delusional when he’s alone in his skanky city apartment, filled with bloody mannequins, dolls in cages, freaky masks…you get the picture. This is where I just can’t get into it. I really don’t want to be in the killer’s mind—or his home. Sure it’s disturbing, but I don’t know. Am I supposed to sympathize with him because he’s clearly messed up and has a typical Ed Gein mommy-complex? I mean, I don’t want to go on a killing spree with him and then come home with him while he curls up in bed with a mannequin to go to sleep, but that’s exactly what happens here.

There ARE some moments I can really appreciate in the film. First of all, there are several early 80s female porn stars in small roles, which brings back fond memories of my days passing out porn to the customers at that video store I mentioned above. The movie decides it really has to up the ‘horror’ tone at the very end, so we are dragged with the killer to a foggy graveyard, where he brings this beautiful girl he suddenly becomes sane enough to score and date near the end of the film. REALLY? This leads to a totally out of place mommy mummy rising from the ground scene! WTF? Cool scene, but really forced, even if it is the killer totally tripping. The awesome revenge of the mannequins scene that takes place soon after back in Spinnell’s apartment just keeps piling on the horror, but it’s at least a little more in keeping with his apartment fantasies throughout the film.

But the most memorable moment is one of the reasons I think this film is so adored by many. Special effects master Tom Savini looks hot as always with his gay porn mustache in his cameo, and also creates one of the most…um…brain blowing special effects. In fact, this scene of he and his girl parked in a car at night and being targeted by Spinnell with a gun rather than the usual sharp object makes it clear the entire plot of the film is inspired by the Son of Sam killings.  The scene brings back vivid memories for me of the serial killing spree that took place only a borough away from where I grew up…a borough that was only three blocks away from my home and was the spot where the Son of Sam shot my fricking babysitter, but that’s a whole other story.

Remember the classic Night of the Creeps? In that 1986 horror comedy, a bunch of college teenagers have to fend off the zombies their friends become after being inhabited by some nasty slug thingies. 2008’s Dance of the Dead has a bunch of high school teenagers on prom night fending off the zombies their friends have become thanks to a Return of the Living Dead plot device, so this film doesn’t break much ground. But I’d say it’s definitely more satisfying for zombie lovers than the similarly toned Zombieland.

In fact, Dance of the Dead isn’t really TRYING to be original, but merely one of a seemingly infinite number of homage films that have, in the past decade, tried to resurrect horror sub-genres of the 70s and 80s for younger audiences while appealing to the geek in Gen-Xers with a load of trivial references. And this film is ripe with them. For starters, after an initial graveyard horror introduction involving a caretaker’s responsibilities that are reminiscent of Rupert Everett’s in Cemetery Man, the first half hour or so of the film pretty much turns into Fast Times at Ridgemont High, with all the classic Breakfast Club stereotypes—geeks, dirt bags, etc. Standard teen high school hi-jinx for sure. There’s even a cheerleader who looks like she moonlights as one of the Cheerios on Glee.

Once all hell on earth breaks loose, we are treated to a little bit of cool creepy crawly grave rising in true MJ Thriller style—right before zombies start BURSTING out of the ground like they are members of the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon cast who accidentally roamed onto the wrong set! It’s one of the most unique twists this movie brings to the zombie genre. After that, it’s a lot of entertaining but common zombie action: a surprise ‘cameo’ by what is clearly supposed to be the skeleton head zombie from Return of the Living Dead; the kids board themselves up in a house to escape the carnage; zombies need to be shot in the head to be killed; those who get bitten soon turn into zombies; and one-liners are thrown around that are sometimes funny but often fall a little flat. It’s all entertaining enough for you to give it a pause while channel surfing on a boring Sunday afternoon. The gore SERIOUSLY delivers, yet the edits right before any violent contact is made during zombie bashing moments is blatant and a little annoying (and for all I know, might be an intentional move by the director for that ‘retro’ feel). But all that aside, the film most deserves props for the unique use of Pat Benatar’s Shadows of the Night. And I’ll just leave it at that.