The DAN ZONE

Wow. It’s amazing how a story involving a country’s plan of genocide of all gay people remains the best kept secret on most news stations. But that’s exactly what is happening, thanks to the damn ‘liberal’ media. That title should be revoked.

See, a compassionate group of missionaries made their way to the conservative country of Uganda in Africa where homosexuality is already illegal, and convinced people there that all gays are pedophiles and can be cured of their homosexuality. But wait a minute…isn’t Africa the continent with like the highest rate of AIDS cases, predominantly amongst women, and also the continent full of men who believe they can cure themselves of AIDS by screwing young female virgins? Eh…who cares about facts? The Uganda people bought the missionaries’ warnings of wisdom, and their government is now strongly trying to take measures to put an end to this rampant disease and threat to their children…but they haven’t even considered the ‘cure’ option. The gays must die because it will solve everything!

So the new plan is, instead of putting gays in jail where they can get all the gay sex they want and not have to worry about working or supporting themselves financially, the law will kill all people partaking in homosexual acts…you know, butt-pounding, pole polishing, and slit sucking (but only if you’re gay. If you’re straight you can still do all that fun stuff in the privacy of your own bedroom with no ramifications). But it’s even more problematic. Because if you are a straight Ugandan you can be brought up on charges if you so much as know or have ties to a person partaking in gay acts (because, you know, people are only gay if they’re doing gay stuff—I’m not gay right now as I sit here typing, but tonight when I dance around my room to my Lady GaGa CD….). In fact, even those responsible for battling the AIDS epidemic in the country will be subject to scrutiny and the long arm of the new anti-gay law, because in coming in contact with those individuals with AIDS, they are sure to have information about those patients who are gay.

Wow. There’s going to be no one left in Uganda! Gays are known for being social butterflies! Everyone has had a gay or to come flittering through their lives! It’s going to end up being an all-out witch hunt for fag hags! The missionaries are right. The gays ARE going to lead to the end of civilization! And they’re going to start with a domino effect that completely washes out the population of Uganda.

Meanwhile, the “humane” and “civilized” institution that sent the missionaries to Uganda does not want to speak on its spokespeople’s behalf now that the damage is done. Meanwhile, our president apparently made some sort of statement (that no one I know ever heard) criticizing this possible Ugandan change of law. Ooh! Criticizing! Down big fella! Imagine genocide of any other minority group in another country? It would be headline news every night, leading to special news reports that interrupt my favorite regularly scheduled programming already in progress! We would be, you know, going to WAR for the freedom of the targeted peoples! But heck, if we can’t even give gays full freedoms and rights here in the USA, why bother doing it in Africa? Haven’t we already done enough for them? We bought that “Do They Know It’s Christmas” record 25 years ago to save the starving children!

Despite such an extreme possibility in Uganda, amazingly, at the complete opposite end of the spectrum, things like legalized gay marriage are popping up in countries all over the world and even in some of our own states. But still, many people in many states here tell gays we should just shut up and be happy we don’t have it like the Ugandan gays. But you know what will happen if we stop fighting for FULL equality in this country and just live with the crumbs we’re thrown? Our people will become complacent…which means passive…which means weak…which means vulnerable to having even more of our rights taken away (there are very influential groups in our country who are already trying to do just that), until we return to a time in which gays in this country, just like in Uganda, would be imprisoned for being gay. And as we can see with Uganda…what starts as imprisonment can so easily be downgraded. Drastically.